It’s shocking! Overheard from the rich

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Author cynical Twitter about the rumors, allegedly overheard in the Elevator of Goldman Sachs on wall street, gathered nearly 700 thousand readers, went through a scandalous exposé and wrote a book.

We have gathered for you the best of them:

— Every phone conversation I begin with the words “My phone is almost dead and may be switched off, so this will be quick”.

— If you have a good metabolism, a head full of hair and a good job — get married young, wait 10 years and make a choice.

— Statistically, there’s no reason to worry, looks like the mother of your first wife.

— I would agree with you, but then we’re both wrong.

— The grass is greener because it is fertilized with bullshit.

— Music was better in the days when I was allowed to sing ugly people.

— If I get fired – this will test my wife’s fidelity, if I will improve – check me.

It's shocking! Overheard from the rich

— When life pokes you in the nose the lemon, get yourself a lobster tail to it.

— The battery of my IPhone is what makes me rush home.

— If a wife offers me a Blowjob, it’s time to make a statement card.

— A new characteristic of the slope – to meet friends and never look at my phone.

— Teach a man to fish and he’ll vote for someone who promised him to give this fish.

— The fact that there are ugly prostitutes, exhaustively shows the essence of men and free markets.

— American fat 20 years preparing for this winter.

— Most celebrities are not even a University education – so what the hell is with them to consult on any serious issue?

— I’ll open a gym that turns into a bar after October.

— I wish I could love anything like I hate everything.

— It’s hard to believe that the Italians were once Romans.

— Only a Neanderthal descends to physical violence. I prefer to humiliate morally, to break the spirit and snatch away hope.

— My first wife was an ardent opponent of abortion until my girlfriend got pregnant.

— Destiny, faith and Karma (destiny, faith, Daniella, destiny, faith, karma) – the so-called strippers in Atlanta.

— One of my favorite things is when someone puts their selfie, and no it is not like.

— Hearing a person on half consists of waiting for their turn to speak, and a half of reminders to myself to change facial expression every 10 seconds.

— I think alcohol creates more people than it destroys.

— When I hear “Got a minute?” – I understand that now I’ll lose half an hour that can never return.

— Be yourself – great advice for approximately 5% of people.

It's shocking! Overheard from the rich

— Tattoo is not my thing – I don’t wear stickers on the bumper of his Lamborghini.

— Soon you will realize that silence is the best way to send dick.

— When you poison your stories – I only think how much shorter they can be.

— The best revenge is to put a bolt.

— We’re finally watching the first season of “breaking bad”… or go to learn to pilot aircraft.

— When I say “we Should get together sometime”, I say “Sure, I’ll call you.” It’s a lie in response to the lie.

— The poor eat so many face food that think their time is worth a fortune.

— I just want to be rich enough to not be fixated on money.

— No person whose credit rating is lower than that of the guy waving a$ 100 bill in the photo.

— 98% of the people commenting on the network the death of Mandela will not be able to answer the simplest questions about his life.

— She’s a friend asked me what I’d do if I had 10 million bucks. I replied: “Ask where all the rest of my grandmother.”

— I don’t need a case for IPhone – am I irresponsible or poor?

— Do not retire as long as your savings do not bring you more money than you received in your best year.

— The iPhone 5S – the sweetest way to say “I’m poor”.

— Before people can Express their opinion on Syria, they must first show it on the map.

— It is a shame that stupidity doesn’t cause pain to the individual.

It's shocking! Overheard from the rich

— Flowers and apology at times easier, than something to change in yourself.

— Climbing to the top of the food chain, we weren’t vegetarians.

— Most people even in a movie about his life would play the role of the second plan.

— You aren’t on social networks? How do you find your classmates? – Let will type my name in Google.

— Being a feminist is an ugly loser, looking for excuses for your defeats.

— Please, let’s stop to call them “hipsters” and go back to being called a “suckers,” as in the good old days.

— If the compilation of opinions about a person on first impression it was an Olympic sport, I would have suspected of doping.

— Too many people still answer the phone like you don’t know who is calling.

— If you love someone very much, break his spirit, so he never had the will to leave you.

— If you can be good at one thing – be good in a lie. Then you’ll be good at everything.

— “He’s a good guy if you get to know him” is the perfect definition of an asshole.

— How easily people are offended, directly in proportion as it is stupid.

— In the world 2 universal languages – English and loud slow English.

— The kids time to learn the lesson – Santa loves rich kids more.

— If you want to die rich – live in accordance with 3 rules: if it flies, floats or Fucks – rent, not own it.

— I can always spot a banker at the bar for 1 minute – he tells me about it.

It's shocking! Overheard from the rich

— Why should I have to marry is because, consider, to bet half of your state, that you’ll love her forever.

— Someone still believes in justice, when all the smart people hang from the obligation to be jurors?

— A haircut – a good economic indicator. In bad times people go to get a haircut every 8 weeks at the best of times 6. I go every 3 weeks.

— My liberal friends excited for a new IPhone, made by Chinese children, using rare earth metals, mined by slaves, from a company that does not pay taxes.

— The coolest nicknames of people – those about which they do not know.

— No girl actually is not as happy as it seems on Facebook, so beautiful as it looks on Instagram and be witty, what appears on Twitter.

— As a society, we’re smart as ever, just technology given the right to vote a mindless mass.

— There was a time when undesirables were exiled to the Islands. Now have to buy the island to be away from them.

— I want a girlfriend strong and independent enough to be able to change a flat tire, and attractive enough to never.

— You need to make the function “Reply all” in email need to make money.

— When people ask me how I’m doing, I usually lie that well, although it is actually significantly better.

— I just want to be rich enough to hate weekends – a time when all sorts of scum out on the streets.

— Obesity and hunger are 2 major problems of society. It explains human nature.

— Darwin did not take into account this situation in a world where smart people have fewer children than stupid.

— If you’re in front of the urinal throws the tie on the shoulder, then either you have too long a tie, or short penis.

— Work hard, eat right, do physically, not to thump a lot and buy only what you can afford. It’s not rocket science.

— I’d watch this TV show where Teens describe their most favorite Instagram of the veterans of the 2nd World.

It's shocking! Overheard from the rich

— We would be less critical of the female body, if we had to walk around with a dick on display 24/7.

— Captain of the Nigerian national team has offered to refund all expenses of fans smuggle the team to Brazil. He said he only needs their Bank details.

— The fact that most people are too stupid to know how stupid they were, is the Foundation that binds our society.

— All cats are libertarians: completely dependent on others, but are convinced of its independence.

— Talent is the only thing standing between most people and their dreams.

— You still can drive customers to a strip club. Just now you can’t take care of all expenses.

— Checking your phone after someone close got his – it’s the yawning of our generation.

— “Do what you love” – a great tip is to earn $ 1000 per month.

— Today green tea is because yesterday 15 cancels our beer?

— No matter who you are – a lion or a Gazelle. In both cases, you only need to be faster than the slowest Gazelle.

— The most successful and the most unsuccessful people share one trait – they think they are never wrong.

— If her first phone was an IPhone – she’s too young for you, bro.

— They just caught a 89 year old Nazi living in America. I didn’t know that George Soros already 89!

— Some people conclude that I’m shy, quiet or boring, not realizing that they just don’t like.

— My experience allows me to conclude that Chicks with purse from Michael Kors more affordable than even Chicks with fake Louis Vuitton.

— Some of the best moments in life are those which you can’t tell anyone.

— Every zero in your Bank account increase your genital organ to 1 centimeter.

— Relationships are like the children’s Board wins. If one of the two was bored or someone is too fat – the fun will not.

— My future wife may have just started high school.

It's shocking! Overheard from the rich

— Money can’t buy happiness, but they solve 95% of problems that make life miserable.

— I’m not inappropriate, you hellishly boring.

— If at least one person you’re not dead, you are living wrong.

— The more cracks on the screen of her iPhone, the more chances I have to take her this evening to yourself.

— It’s hard not to judge someone if his favorite movie is crap.

— People find it difficult to embarrass me. Unless it’s Asian with a British accent.

— For most people, freedom is associated with a large piece of someone else’s money.