Seven ages holiday. As the years change habits – from 10 to 65

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Seven ages holiday. As the years change habits - from 10 to 65

With children everything is simple. They hop in the plane under cold grey skies and four hours later landed in a warmer climate and clear blue skies. During the flight they entertain iPad and parents. Before arriving at the destination they manage to spend a small fortune on the most delicious snacks of those that served on Board.

In the 70s when I was a kid, everything looked different. We sat in the car under the cold grey skies and after a nine hour drive went somewhere else where the sky was as cold and grey. The road played tag and I-Spy. We even often had to play all sorts of games, because it rained for five days out of seven. In the remaining two days we walked on the beach, despite the cold and the wind, and pretended to be the temperature 10 degrees higher than it actually is. It seems I’m not out of the country, except in the case when I smuggled transported from Britain to Germany in the trunk of the car. I was not yet ten, and my parents forgot to bring my documents. Being human smuggling fun in just the first five minutes of five hours, also in Germany, as in England, always raining.



Seven ages holiday. As the years change habits - from 10 to 65

To 16 years I hated my parents for their luxurious trip. And now I’m ready to fly alone. It was in the 1980s. today It was like a vacation in Southeast Asia. However, he might not have reminded we’re living on £10 a day. In our time, too, can live on £10 a day, but not in Europe. Especially when you consider that beer costs £9. We ate snacks and watermelon, slept on the beach, in parks, on beaches, in trains, and tried to avoid meeting with the Belgian pedophiles. When we became older, we stayed in cheap hotels, not in tents on the beach. The main purpose of the journey, of course, was to get to that Greek island where you can get drunk, smoke grass and to make love with a girl named Olivia, who might live a twenty minute drive from our parents ‘ house in Surrey. What was needed was careful to pick the right Greek island. Nobody wanted to get to the island, where mostly gay, in the 1980s, these things were a popular subject for jokes. Surprisingly, we did without Internet and credit cards – used the strange things called “shopping basket” and “cash”. Greece was our Thailand. If the Greek debt crisis further deteriorates, the country will be Thailand and for our children.



Seven ages holiday. As the years change habits - from 10 to 65

You are planning your first vacation with a girlfriend. Think about it with a mixture of impatience and dread. I feel terribly adult and you are a little scared, you’re worried. What you go on vacation with a friend, really. Firstly, women attach great importance to the organizational aspects. They care about things like housing. They all work as a watch, and here you already in a great hotel on a beautiful beach, and not in a seedy brothel in the worst part of town, which is full of toxic waste. Secondly, it’s great that you don’t have to drink at least seven pints every night. Before without this “training” you couldn’t even think about the Thai Full Moon party in Eurodisco.



Seven ages holiday. As the years change habits - from 10 to 65

Pretty soon you’ll step on a path that psychologists call by hedonism. This means that nice little hotel in a small town in Croatia not good enough for you. Requirements your girlfriend (or wife) has increased. In addition, your income is increasing rapidly, and no kids yet. You under 30 or over 30. In such a situation people usually choose one of two options. The first quest. This choice involves climbing in the Himalayas or trekking in Papua New Guinea. Extreme athletes compete to see who will get more serious frostbite or more severe tropical disease. I personally do not like the suffering as entertainment. I chose the second option – a luxury. Sickly, cosseted luxury. I remember how my wife and I stayed at an incredible hotel in Oman. It was amazing. It was so expensive. In every room, even the bath had its own Butler.


Newly minted dad

Seven ages holiday. As the years change habits - from 10 to 65

I guarantee that the first time after the children, you will do not to break. You will be delighted. To adapt to the situation, will take up to six months. You will learn to be content with one hour a night of sleep and then, in the end, feel that you deserve a “break”.

However, the holiday will be worse than at home. You will spend a week worrying about how little Noah or ruby fell into the pool, not overheated in the sun, not lifted up the whole hotel in the middle of the night. The nanny stays at home. You whole family will sleep in one room. Although, actually, a child that will not sleep. This is in addition to the heat. The room will become like a pressure cooker, only with the smell of diapers. And here you are already dreaming about returning to London and counting the days till my vacation ends.

Four years later (if the child is three, the period will increase), it turns out that it’s not so bad. The children learned how to swim. They are not crying for no reason for two hours. They can leave everyone alone and switch on the iPad. And they are still not old enough to hate you for what you spent £2000 on rent villas in Turkey. You can even have a few drinks in the evening. Enjoy, this will not last long.


The father of teenagers

Seven ages holiday. As the years change habits - from 10 to 65

Your youngest child is still nice, but the eldest daughter, who is now 15, already hates family vacations and openly reported. She runs away from home, which you rented for more money, finds a bar full of guys like you at that age, which is specified under No. 2. She tells everyone that she is 18, and drinking strong alcohol. If you’re lucky, she gets sick, and she’ll be home around one o’clock. If you are lucky, she will come at 7 am, just in the moment when you have already been on the phone with Interpol, and will behave as if nothing had happened. Don’t worry, it’s just a warm-up. Pretty soon she’ll leave home for a year, and you’ll know that she’s still alive, only on the post in Facebook.


Traveler silver age

Seven ages holiday. As the years change habits - from 10 to 65

You’re over 60. But, like most people, the exchanged seventh ten, you feel that you are still 25. Instead of calmly and reasonably to spend holidays in places like Madeira and Provence, you buy expensive package tours to Easter island or Antarctica. You can afford this on their “Golden” retirement. You still can’t forgive his son that at the age of 19 he went AWOL in Ecuador, even though it was eight years ago. The best revenge is to go to Ecuador and spend there £9000. In the end, what is £9000. The house you once bought for £40 000 last year were valued at £200 000.

by Alex Prout