– “Look, I just yesterday you washed those pants! Do you know how much I owe them money laid out, and you don’t appreciate it, instead of having to sit quietly on the bench, they smeared ice cream! And, not to be careful, how many times can you ask not to run with the other children, you have 5 years, it’s time to figure out his screwed-up head!” -a familiar scene, really.
Don’t know about You, but my soul cries when I hear such things. You know, one time I so wanted to stop people to give them feel what he feels now in their lives. While at some point I realized that at the time, they survived it all, only with their mothers. What they were brought up the same way they are raising their children. But are unable to present your life to realize all this and are unable to forgive their parents. Now the same pain and hurt their children. Maybe so behaved our mother or our father, and now we do not work to live mindlessly, without changing or overwriting the parent program?
Let’s think about what we are taught when we are pregnant? Well, first of all, mom will teach you how to swaddle and feed the baby, in the best case will teach that you must talk to him, but almost nobody talks about how to love and how to build a relationship with him. And yet, it is believed that up to three years a child does not understand and to communicate with them is not required. However, this is absolutely not true.
In the first year of life the child has established a close psychological relationship with his mother. The lack of maternal love and attention in this period affects then for many years. There are two rules of relationship to the baby.
First: “a сhild is a guest in the house. It can be love and respect, but to dominate them is impossible, because it belongs to life” – written by Hindus in the ancient Vedas several thousand years ago. It provides lovingly respectful, and at the same time, somewhat detached attitude to the child.
Another rule formulated in psychology in our century: the baby came into this world in order to meet the expectations of their parents. Every child comes into the world with their goals and to lead the way. And the parents have the task to help the child to reveal their individuality and their capabilities.
“But where do we learn this?” – you will ask. There is a solution. Now, many of the socio-psychological orientation came to the conclusion that it is necessary to teach parents to be parents. To do this, hold “Parent classes”, in which parents learn to see the child separately from the problems that arise in their relationship, to separate where the issue of the child, where the parent. As well as seminars for parents who do not teach as necessary, and help to understand how not to what, in my opinion, more important.
Child – your psychological barometer by which you can determine your mental well-being. The kid must feel that he is loved, so don’t be afraid to spoil him with love. And don’t forget that love is intangible and too many it does not happen.
If the child talks with a calm and affectionate mother, if his needs are met, then the child laid a positive attitude towards myself (which I love, so I’m good), confidence in their abilities and capabilities (self-esteem), initiative. Then he is cheerful, friendly, inquisitive and active and to other people he treats with sympathy and interest. Later he learns to make friends and to feel love.
If the baby is constantly criticized, blamed and compare with others not in his favor, and to himself he has to be bad to grow anxious, unsure of their abilities, gloomy, aggressive, stubborn, and people will be wary that can be expressed in tantrums, stubbornness, and aggressiveness.
Sometimes we live like zombies, following embedded in us from childhood, the program. Let’s live a little more fully realized, to stop and reflect on why we now want to do and say what they want to say in the moment?