6 tips to help fight will not destroy, but strengthen your relationship.
Disagreements and quarrels is not just inevitable, it is good for the relationship: even if you are convinced that you have created for each other and understand a loved one perfectly, each of you is a unique individual with a unique set of chromosomes, one of a kind character and temperament and life experience. In differences, not in similarities, we usually fall in love — and that the differences become the cause of our disputes. Find out how to learn how to fight to transform every conflict into a useful lesson understanding and a better way to get to know each other.
1. DISCUSS THE PROBLEM, NOT THE PERSON
No matter how you have been wronged on a loved one, try not to generalize and not to throw accusations — instead, look at the situation and tell us how you feel in connection with this feeling. Compare how different sounding phrases: “You never remember what’s important to me! You don’t care about my feelings and our relationship!” and “I am very sad that you forgot about our wedding anniversary. For me this is a very important day and I was really hoping that you will remember it”. It is about the same, but the second option more sincerity and much less charges — and thus more likely to be heard.
Sometimes in the heat of an argument we do not notice how constructive dialogue turns into a squabble the two are unable to hear each other people, each of whom can not wait to Express all that “boiling”. Try it during the next conflict to choose the tactics of the listener — give your beloved the opportunity to speak out, if you really try to understand and hear him. Helpful habit to ask again: “did I understand Correctly that…” — but it should be done sincerely, without bile and sarcasm. This simple technique may surprise you with their results: sometimes the cause of constant quarrels — simply the desire to be heard.
3. LEAVE PAST SQUABBLES IN THE PAST
In the Comedy “what men talk About” one of the characters declares that he will never have a reason to divorce his wife — and all thanks to its “lightness” and unique ability to forget the quarrels and troubles. Talent is really rare — much more common habit of using every conflict as an occasion to remember the beloved all of his faults, from undelivered the day before the bins up from flirtation at a company party. Not discussed insults tend slowly but surely to erode the relationship — and so we have to learn to deal with them in a timely manner and not to create a “Bank claims” provoking quarrels.
4. DON’T DEAL WITH ULTIMATUMS
“We either start helping around the house, or I quit my job!”, “Either we get married now, or break up!”, “Or your friends or me!” — if you frequently throw these allegations, we note that ultimatums not only ineffective but also very treacherous: they are appropriate only in rare, extreme cases, and resorting to them constantly, you run the risk of seriously damage the relationship with your loved — no man does not like to be manipulated.
5. DON’T RAISE YOUR VOICE
If you are an emotional person, this advice may seem difficult for someone quarrel, by definition, impossible without the conversation in a raised voice and a pair of three broken dishes. That’s just to hear each other in this case, it is much more difficult — no wonder they say that “quiet voice can be heard far”. Even if your sweetheart and then breaks into a cry, do not give his example — where better to take a break, to give each other the opportunity to take a breath (for example, to go alone for a walk) and later to calmly continue the conversation.
6. DON’T STRIVE TO BE ALWAYS RIGHT
Sometimes the best thing you can do to resolve the conflict is not to seek out the next portion of the argument, and concede. If the dispute has stalled and turned into a meaningless squabble, a simple “Yes, I guess you’re right” will save a lot of effort, time and nerves. Abandoning the desire to win in each debate, you will finally win at home, while maintaining relationships: no wonder they say he’s not happy, who’s right and the rights of the one who is happy.