Likestory.net collected the answers of the psychologists the question of what to do in order to make a relationship last as long as possible.
Don’t want to start with the platitudes, but all the main truths are always banal. “Water is wet”, “it is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick”, “freedom is better than unfreedom”. See? This is all true, but it’s corny. That is familiar, worn-out, jaded. And all that becomes habitual, loses its relevance. By the way, here’s another platitude…
This number can be safely put the idea that most people relationships start on a high note (the passion, the sleepless nights, blowing dust, etc.), and ends with the dimmed eyes. In General, as someone said of the greats, love usually starts with a groan and ends with a yawn.
What to do in order to make a relationship last as long as possible? Myths about love sound very tempting, but what to do in reality, if you want to keep passionate feelings for life? In a Network there are many articles on the subject. Some candid stuff, some too difficult to understand ordinary people such as you and me.
Similar interests does not guarantee a strong relationship
Let’s look at another example to say that Internet explore is not working. Before you immediately dismiss and cite a million friends, acquaintances and colleagues, “which was found on the Internet and is not the first happy”, listen to the arguments.
If you want to find the perfect partner using some computer algorithm or are going to consider only the profiles of those in the column “Interest” written familiar words, then you are doomed to failure. In fact, according to numerous studies (and there were more than 300), similar interests do not have a significant impact on the relationship. So your mutual love for, say, the films of woody Allen is unlikely to become a stable Foundation on which to build a marriage. It is clear that there is a small exaggeration, but instead of movies, the famous new York hypochondriac you can insert anything from a joint Hiking to the love of swinging. This strong, and most importantly, long lasting relationships too little. To be precise, is about one percent of 100 is required for building a normal family.
So when we want to meet your own copy and to marry her (or marry) and live happily ever after, we make a huge mistake. So move on to the next statement.
To argue useful
Problems arise for any couple. The thing is, how you will deal with the difficulties. For normal communication in the family, if you believe the experts, you need to find someone who expresses their emotions is exactly the same as you. How you behave creates an emotional pattern, which creates a common space of existence couple. After selecting a spouse, you will automatically receive and its problems. Therefore, it is important to be able to each other their problems to convey. That’s why arguing is good. In scientific language, negative communication is much better than no communication at all. You can even swear over small things. Seriously, this is quite normal. Scientists even believe that couples who more often fight over little things, live a long and (attention!) happy life. Recall the same loud, but such strong Italian marriages. And Vice versa, oddly enough, but those couples who swear only on the most serious occasions, likely to get a divorce much more.
Of course, it is strange when people fight constantly in the honeymoon period, but if you, say, have been together for a year, and during this time almost did not swear, it is a Wake-up call. The fact that the abuse and disputes — the expression of feelings. Yeah, not the best way, but, as has been said, it’s much better than their feelings to put down. Because without them, the relationship becomes unhealthy.
Yes, Romeo and Juliet fighting. And will forever remain the epitome of true love. But even if to distract from the fact that they are only fictional characters in the play, still asks the idea that they gave oak long before the first conflict. This pair is so well symbolizes the romantic relationship just due to the fact that did not live up to his first fight over dirty dishes.
Relationships are mutual work
Passion is always fast, fascinating and easy. But the relationship is the effort and work through. And here it is more useful to look at what is happening not from the point of view of “people meet, people fall in love, get married,” and the eyes of those who undertake so-called arranged marriages. And these marriage usually initially difficult for both partners. But as to go from a submarine have nowhere to go, both trying to work on what we have. And, surprisingly, statistically arranged marriages are much more successful than those that were made for love. Of course nobody says that love on the side, and the family should be established only with a cool head. Just here there is a lot to learn. For example, the ability to ambrosial a million myths about love, to abandon illusions about marriage and rolled up their sleeves, work on the relationship. Because, as you know, from nothing only nothing happens, and in order to get something worthwhile, you have to work every day. Well, I could not resist, said another platitude.
All that leads to success in life, guarantees success and marriage
Want to partner was faithful to you? Loyal? Be strong. Girls, look for solid, confident guys. Men, pay attention to those women whose opinion does not change depending on wind direction or weather. It is the hardness, which helps us in life, is responsible for the ability to work on complex tasks for a long time. As is known, the hardness helps to cope with the circumstances and problems. In a marriage, they arise constantly. Those who cannot solve them, give up and throw that all away now. Love will not be long in itself. Feelings remain hot and passionate just because people are working on them.
And finally: is it possible to predict the long-term relationship? It turns out that it is not only possible, but ridiculously easy – just ask the couple about their relationship. And that’s all.
Psychologists from the University of Washington found that on how partners describe their relationship, it is possible to predict divorce or not, with an accuracy of 94%. You need only to listen as the couple talk about their joint past. Here are two fundamentally different approaches to the same situation:
BAD: We had a fight. It was awful. To be honest, he was acting just disgusting.
GOOD: We had a fight. It was awful. But we discussed it later. It seems that now we get along even better than before.
Agree, many do not mind to say that the argument is bad and favorite person was acting in the best way. But what really require much intelligence (as well as patience, love, etc.) is to learn to appreciate not only the good moments but also bad. And make maximum profit even from the conflicts and problems.
Very few people experience euphoria, when I went to the twentieth mile of a marathon. But if you stop and get to the finish line, happiness is certainly not in sight. The taste of victory and champagne — that will make the time really enjoyable. Here’s another platitude. But, as I said in the beginning, the most important truths, tend to be banal. That is why we so often forget.
Well, it’s time to summarize:
Similar interests will not help. The same playlists will not be the basis for a good marriage. So you should start to focus on emotions.
Arguing is useful. Negative communication is better than its absence.
A lot of work ahead. And she can’t go anywhere.
In order to build strong relationships, you will need the toughness. Devotion. Honesty. This means to be firm.