Likestory.net tell, which are not advised to do psychologists after a breakup.
Agree, many things in our life come as something of themselves. People we meet by chance. Even those who then becomes a huge part of our lives. In relationships with them join too, if no accident, then uplifted, being driven by desire, curiosity and other, strictly emotional factors. And relationships often leave things to chance. That would not be good. But there is one stage of the relationship itself from occurring is fraught with not only emotional pain, but glad different mental disorders and the inability to continue to build a happy Union. It is, as you might guess, about the breakup. Here it is necessary, whether we like it or not, immediately engage in the process of pulling itself out of the swamp of depressive melancholy. We will focus on those mistakes that almost everything we do after a painful breakup.
What you need to do in order not to prolong their suffering and not to run into new problems?
1.Not to write and not to call ex-boyfriend /ex-girlfriend
Although it is clear that this is a natural reaction, after a while it was the nearest being, which we used to share everything – photos of the dressing room, feelings of a new team, funny memes from the Network, impressions viewed, film etc. American neuroscientists have done all the research on how separation affects different parts of the brain. It turned out that the part of the brain that regulates our behavior in such situations (and it, by the way, is responsible for addiction to alcohol or drugs) requires a “cure”, which seems ex – /ex. To quickly fix the hole in the heart and satisfy the needs of the brain, we begin to call and text him a hundred times a day.
Why not do it:
First, though, because, as already mentioned, this behavior pushes us relationship, which in all its manifestations resembles alcoholism. But no one is struggling with alcoholism, getting drunk four times a week, right?
Second, many studies confirm that people who limit contact with former, more quickly restored after a break up.
Third, when we’re constantly writing your ex, that produce the impression of a poor, unhappy and miserable. But we did want to evoke pity? Unlikely.
And finally, fourth, the unwillingness to let go of an old relationship can be very hard to prevent them to establish with the other person. “We’re not together, but we’re in love, no, we’re not together. I’ll just call him/her know how things were going. But we’re not together, don’t look at me like that!” And what in this situation your chances of finding new love? In General, anyway, so if for some reason you find it necessary to re-establish contact with the once the closest person, then you can do it after a month or three a year, when the parting “have been ill”. But not immediately after a breakup.
What to do:
Psychologists in one voice insist that a broken couple has to go through “non-contact” period. This quarantine should last a month. At the very least. If the former/the former continues to fill up with messages and/or calls should clearly explain their position. Its essence is that you need time and space to be alone/single. But no more than three times: if your desire is not respected, just ignore the message. If you’re Angelina Jolie and you have six children together, the communication should be limited to questions which concern children. About anything else! No discussions of a new relationship and your emotions. The same if you work or study together: direct all discussion exclusively to the business course.
2. Not to offer to remain friends
Yes, we are not ready so just let this guy out of your life. Anthropologists conducted an interesting experiment: 15 people emerging from the gap, did a magnetic resonance scan of the brain. During the study, they were shown two photos of a man who abandoned them, and the other, an abstract person. Then brain scans were compared, and found that when a former lover, the brain of volunteers behaved exactly the same way as the brains of addicts sober.
Motivation for “friendship” could be more and that way you will be able to always be in the loop. What the other person likes his/her posts? You are now “just friends”, so that is not a sin and to ask, who is this man and what connects them. You can monitor and know everything happening to him… the Circus in General.
Why not do it:
The answer to this question was given by the staff of the University of Connecticut in the process of the study dedicated to friendship between men and women in General, and between former lovers in particular. The conclusion is clear: the quality of friendship between M and W, which was not early in the relationship, much higher than those “friendly” relationships that can be built ex/ex. As it turned out, “the former” less support, less help and generally don’t much care for their “new friends”, how would someone not want to return.
Psychologists say: the offer of staying friends can help the initiator of the break to absolve themselves of the blame, but it’s not helpful to someone you’ve dumped. This clumsy attempt to ease the pain inevitably gives hope for the resumption of relations, which in turn inhibits both partners, not allowing them to build a new relationship.
What to do:
No one is saying that you will never, ever be able to be friends, just not now. Again, ask them to give you time to sort out my feelings and recover. Still would be useful to examine the motives that are behind the proposal to “stay friends”. You don’t want to lose this man, because he’s so wonderful? But that’s selfish. And it’s not fair. Let the man heal. Unfair to bind someone to his “friendship” just because you can’t deal with pain or with perspective to let people go. If you just can’t put a point and make friends with everyone she ever met, then Godspeed to the psychologist. Well, if it’s not you and your ex – /ex-doesn’t know how to say goodbye to people, we do not allow man to manipulate, to keep you on a short leash and put pressure on the guilt. You absolutely don’t have to impress him with my ability to be friends after a break up. If you don’t want to be friends – this is normal. Just say no and move on. Because you don’t know when I will be able to answer “Yes”. And if I ever will. IT IS YOUR RIGHT.
3. Do not blame yourself
In any relationship, the responsibility for the situation rests with both. It is an axiom. But after breaking someone all the troubles to blame the other person, and someone has taken the blame on himself and head dives into the murky maelstrom of self-flagellation. Such people sincerely believe that breaking up with a loved one occurred due to the fact that they were not smart enough, attractive, purposeful, sexual and so on.
Why not do it:
Psychologists believe that this is a road to nowhere. This self-flagellation can last for years, people continue to grieve over a broken trough, instead of having to admit that we all have UPS and downs, everyone makes mistakes. This is normal-but.
What to do:
Will have to try very hard to change their installations and from eating his own brain, and endless soul-searching move to a constructive thoughts about the future. Of course, it is impossible to do immediately after the break, take it at least a little time to calm down. And then the best thing to do in such a situation, it is honest to admit their mistakes, an impartial look at the mistakes of a partner, to analyze the reasons that caused the breakup, then forgive yourself and a loved one and move on. If not, is there another way – perhaps we should translate his feelings of guilt to anger. Experts say that anger is one of the stages of the adoption process pain. If the guilt is constantly chasing you in a circle, it is a healthy anger at the situation, yourself and partner – this is the path to recovery. During operation, the objects of anger should be deleted. Yes, no one is arguing that it is biased. But it is very helpful to your psychological rehabilitation! Over time, together with the anger will come and a sense of relief.