In an ideal world all people with whom we have to communicate, be good, kind, considerate, intelligent, generous. But, as You may have noticed, we live in an imperfect world…
Some people drive us crazy, and we are able to infuriate others. We don’t like those who is inconsiderate, harsh, likes to spread rumors, on the sidelines or just doesn’t get the joke, but wait, what are we going to laugh at his jokes.
” You’ve probably wondered whether you can be objective about those who constantly annoys you and with whom you never would like to dine, and how to learn to be friendly to each person you meet.”
Even in a perfect world to create a team consisting entirely of people you would invite to your barbecue., unreal. Therefore, intelligent people often communicate with people they don’t like. They just have to do it. And that’s how they do it.
1. They recognize that you can’t please everybody
Sometimes we fall into the trap of thinking that we are good. We believe that we love everyone we meet, even when this is not happening. But you will inevitably encounter difficult people who oppose what you think. Smart people know about it. They also recognize that conflicts or disputes are the result of differences in the value system.
Man, you don’t like, in principle, a good man. The reason for your rejection is that you have different values, and this difference creates tension. Once you acknowledge that not everyone likes you and not all like you, because of the differences in the system of values, you can eliminate emotions when evaluating situations. This will help you come to an agreement.
2. They tolerate (but do not ignore or dismiss) those they don’t like
Of course, you can put up with someone’s constant criticism, grit their teeth in response to lousy jokes or not pay attention to someone’s obtrusive society, but there are worse things than to constantly suppress his irritation. From the point of view of efficiency, the excessive desire to win the sympathy of people is a bigger problem than lack of sympathy.
You need people who have different points of view and are not afraid to argue. They are the kind of people who don’t allow to do stupid things. It’s not easy, but they have to endure. Often those who challenge or provoke us, but they lead us to new insights and help to promote the band to success. Remember that you too are not perfect, but nevertheless, people suffer.
3. They are polite to those they don’t like
Regardless of your feelings towards someone, people will focus on your behavior and attitude, and, most likely, will treat you the same way. If you’re rude to him, chances are he’ll throw all decency and rude in response. Remember, if you’re polite, people will be tolerant of you.
The ability to control the face is of great importance. You should be able to show that they consider the person to be a professional and treat him well. This will help you not to stoop to their level or to be involved in what they are doing.
4. They have to keep their expectations
People often have unrealistic expectations of others. We can expect that in certain situations, others will act the same as we would act, or say what we could say, I want to hear right now. However, it is not real. People have innate personal traits that largely determine their reaction. Expect from others the same actions that would have taken you – so prepare yourself for disappointment and frustration.
If the person is each time is you have the same feelings — adjust your expectations accordingly. Thus, you will be psychologically ready, and his behavior will not catch you by surprise. Smart people do it all the time. Never surprised by the behavior of not-very-nice person.
5. They do not analyze your opponent, and yourself
Regardless of what you’re experiencing, people can’t get into your skin. It is important that you know how to manage their feelings when dealing with someone who annoys you. Instead of thinking about what this man annoys you, focus on why you react to it. Often we dislike in others what we dislike in ourselves. In addition, they do not create the button, they just click on it.
Pinpoint triggers that could affect your feelings. Then you may be able to anticipate your reaction, to soften it or even change it. Remember: it is easier to change their perception, attitude and behavior than forcing someone to become a different person.
6. They take a pause and take a deep breath
There are some things that annoy you constantly. Maybe it’s the colleague who regularly breaks the terms of delivery, or the guy who gives stupid jokes. Find out what annoys you, and someone presses on your buttons. Thus, you can prepare for it.
If you can take a break and take control of the raging adrenaline, and then refer to the intellectual part of your brain, you will be able to better negotiate and to justify their judgments. Deep breath and one big step back can help you to calm down and will prevent you from excessive excitation, thereby allowing to proceed with a more clear mind and an open heart.
7. They give voice to their needs
If some people continually hurt you, calmly let them know that their way of behavior and style of communication are a problem for you. Avoid accusatory phrases, try instead to use the formula: “When you… I feel…”. For example: “When you interrupt me during meetings, I feel that you do not appreciate my work”. Then take a pause and wait for a response.
You may find that the other person did not understand that your statement is not yet complete or your colleague was so excited by his idea that he threw her in a fit of excitement.
8. They keep their distance
If all other methods do not help, smart people create distance between themselves and what they don’t like. Apologize for yourself and go your own way. If this happens at work, move to another room or sit on the other end of the table. While in the distance and with perspective, you may be able to return to the discussion and interact with people that you like and not worry about those who don’t like it.
Of course, it would be easier if we were able to say goodbye to people who we don’t like. Unfortunately, we all know that in life it does not happen.