Author cynical Twitter about the rumors, allegedly overheard in the Elevator of Goldman Sachs on wall street, gathered nearly 700 thousand readers, went through a scandalous exposé and wrote a book.
We have gathered for you the best of them:
— Every phone conversation I begin with the words “My phone is almost dead and may be switched off, so this will be quick”.
— If you have a good metabolism, a head full of hair and a good job — get married young, wait 10 years and make a choice.
— Statistically, there’s no reason to worry, looks like the mother of your first wife.
— I would agree with you, but then we’re both wrong.
— The grass is greener because it is fertilized with bullshit.
— Music was better in the days when I was allowed to sing ugly people.
— If I get fired – this will test my wife’s fidelity, if I will improve – check me.
— When life pokes you in the nose the lemon, get yourself a lobster tail to it.
— The battery of my IPhone is what makes me rush home.
— If a wife offers me a Blowjob, it’s time to make a statement card.
— A new characteristic of the slope – to meet friends and never look at my phone.
— Teach a man to fish and he’ll vote for someone who promised him to give this fish.
— The fact that there are ugly prostitutes, exhaustively shows the essence of men and free markets.
— American fat 20 years preparing for this winter.
— Most celebrities are not even a University education – so what the hell is with them to consult on any serious issue?
— I’ll open a gym that turns into a bar after October.
— I wish I could love anything like I hate everything.
— It’s hard to believe that the Italians were once Romans.
— Only a Neanderthal descends to physical violence. I prefer to humiliate morally, to break the spirit and snatch away hope.
— My first wife was an ardent opponent of abortion until my girlfriend got pregnant.
— Destiny, faith and Karma (destiny, faith, Daniella, destiny, faith, karma) – the so-called strippers in Atlanta.
— One of my favorite things is when someone puts their selfie, and no it is not like.
— Hearing a person on half consists of waiting for their turn to speak, and a half of reminders to myself to change facial expression every 10 seconds.
— I think alcohol creates more people than it destroys.
— When I hear “Got a minute?” – I understand that now I’ll lose half an hour that can never return.
— Be yourself – great advice for approximately 5% of people.
— Tattoo is not my thing – I don’t wear stickers on the bumper of his Lamborghini.
— Soon you will realize that silence is the best way to send dick.
— When you poison your stories – I only think how much shorter they can be.
— The best revenge is to put a bolt.
— We’re finally watching the first season of “breaking bad”… or go to learn to pilot aircraft.
— When I say “we Should get together sometime”, I say “Sure, I’ll call you.” It’s a lie in response to the lie.
— The poor eat so many face food that think their time is worth a fortune.
— I just want to be rich enough to not be fixated on money.
— No person whose credit rating is lower than that of the guy waving a$ 100 bill in the photo.
— 98% of the people commenting on the network the death of Mandela will not be able to answer the simplest questions about his life.
— She’s a friend asked me what I’d do if I had 10 million bucks. I replied: “Ask where all the rest of my grandmother.”
— I don’t need a case for IPhone – am I irresponsible or poor?
— Do not retire as long as your savings do not bring you more money than you received in your best year.
— The iPhone 5S – the sweetest way to say “I’m poor”.
— Before people can Express their opinion on Syria, they must first show it on the map.
— It is a shame that stupidity doesn’t cause pain to the individual.
— Flowers and apology at times easier, than something to change in yourself.
— Climbing to the top of the food chain, we weren’t vegetarians.
— Most people even in a movie about his life would play the role of the second plan.
— You aren’t on social networks? How do you find your classmates? – Let will type my name in Google.
— Being a feminist is an ugly loser, looking for excuses for your defeats.
— Please, let’s stop to call them “hipsters” and go back to being called a “suckers,” as in the good old days.
— If the compilation of opinions about a person on first impression it was an Olympic sport, I would have suspected of doping.
— Too many people still answer the phone like you don’t know who is calling.
— If you love someone very much, break his spirit, so he never had the will to leave you.
— If you can be good at one thing – be good in a lie. Then you’ll be good at everything.
— “He’s a good guy if you get to know him” is the perfect definition of an asshole.
— How easily people are offended, directly in proportion as it is stupid.
— In the world 2 universal languages – English and loud slow English.
— The kids time to learn the lesson – Santa loves rich kids more.
— If you want to die rich – live in accordance with 3 rules: if it flies, floats or Fucks – rent, not own it.
— I can always spot a banker at the bar for 1 minute – he tells me about it.
— Why should I have to marry is because, consider, to bet half of your state, that you’ll love her forever.
— Someone still believes in justice, when all the smart people hang from the obligation to be jurors?
— A haircut – a good economic indicator. In bad times people go to get a haircut every 8 weeks at the best of times 6. I go every 3 weeks.
— My liberal friends excited for a new IPhone, made by Chinese children, using rare earth metals, mined by slaves, from a company that does not pay taxes.
— The coolest nicknames of people – those about which they do not know.
— No girl actually is not as happy as it seems on Facebook, so beautiful as it looks on Instagram and be witty, what appears on Twitter.
— As a society, we’re smart as ever, just technology given the right to vote a mindless mass.
— There was a time when undesirables were exiled to the Islands. Now have to buy the island to be away from them.
— I want a girlfriend strong and independent enough to be able to change a flat tire, and attractive enough to never.
— You need to make the function “Reply all” in email need to make money.
— When people ask me how I’m doing, I usually lie that well, although it is actually significantly better.
— I just want to be rich enough to hate weekends – a time when all sorts of scum out on the streets.
— Obesity and hunger are 2 major problems of society. It explains human nature.
— Darwin did not take into account this situation in a world where smart people have fewer children than stupid.
— If you’re in front of the urinal throws the tie on the shoulder, then either you have too long a tie, or short penis.
— Work hard, eat right, do physically, not to thump a lot and buy only what you can afford. It’s not rocket science.
— I’d watch this TV show where Teens describe their most favorite Instagram of the veterans of the 2nd World.
— We would be less critical of the female body, if we had to walk around with a dick on display 24/7.
— Captain of the Nigerian national team has offered to refund all expenses of fans smuggle the team to Brazil. He said he only needs their Bank details.
— The fact that most people are too stupid to know how stupid they were, is the Foundation that binds our society.
— All cats are libertarians: completely dependent on others, but are convinced of its independence.
— Talent is the only thing standing between most people and their dreams.
— You still can drive customers to a strip club. Just now you can’t take care of all expenses.
— Checking your phone after someone close got his – it’s the yawning of our generation.
— “Do what you love” – a great tip is to earn $ 1000 per month.
— Today green tea is because yesterday 15 cancels our beer?
— No matter who you are – a lion or a Gazelle. In both cases, you only need to be faster than the slowest Gazelle.
— The most successful and the most unsuccessful people share one trait – they think they are never wrong.
— If her first phone was an IPhone – she’s too young for you, bro.
— They just caught a 89 year old Nazi living in America. I didn’t know that George Soros already 89!
— Some people conclude that I’m shy, quiet or boring, not realizing that they just don’t like.
— My experience allows me to conclude that Chicks with purse from Michael Kors more affordable than even Chicks with fake Louis Vuitton.
— Some of the best moments in life are those which you can’t tell anyone.
— Every zero in your Bank account increase your genital organ to 1 centimeter.
— Relationships are like the children’s Board wins. If one of the two was bored or someone is too fat – the fun will not.
— My future wife may have just started high school.
— Money can’t buy happiness, but they solve 95% of problems that make life miserable.
— I’m not inappropriate, you hellishly boring.
— If at least one person you’re not dead, you are living wrong.
— The more cracks on the screen of her iPhone, the more chances I have to take her this evening to yourself.
— It’s hard not to judge someone if his favorite movie is crap.
— People find it difficult to embarrass me. Unless it’s Asian with a British accent.
— For most people, freedom is associated with a large piece of someone else’s money.