Likestory.net debunks the most common myths about life in the marriage.
It may seem that this article is addressed only to those who are going to marry. Possible. But only in the first place. And secondly, I’m sure it will be useful to those who already knows firsthand what a married life. So since you already read these lines, it makes sense to read to the end, because below we will talk about those things of which we are, unfortunately, no one tells. But you should have. Meanwhile, all that most of us know about marriage, real life has little in common.
Illusion one: Possess and conquer
By and large, a stamp in the passport should not in any way affect your relationship. In other words, you should not use the fact of marriage as an opportunity to finally remove the mask and show his true colors. Let me explain: we are not talking about what the woman wants to get married and pretending to be absolutely not such what it is actually. Although there is something to be honest, this also happens. But I want to underline your attention on something else: even with the most favorite person in the world you may have completely different views on some issues. So, it is better to talk to the Registrar’s office, than after some time to understand that to negotiate these questions is not obtained. Which in turn sooner or later will put your marriage at risk.
As for the illusion of possession, the sin that too many women are so excited because they finally “own” man, they begin to impose their opinion on any issue, including those in which they themselves did not understand, and do not give him the opportunity to do something differently. In General, calling a spade a spade, they simply begin to turn husbands at their discretion. Thereby killing not only personally love, but any glimpses of respect to each other. Meanwhile, meekly indulge in everything the husband will sooner or later get bored by him. And those who dared, when his patience is exhausted, stands on its hind legs and walks away. Needless to say, both are losing?
The second illusion: That if, in a critical situation support relatives
Of course, this is possible. But believe it blindly it is impossible in any case. Because, alas, relatives (both from the wife and and husband) can easily bring the marriage just to the point where only a divorce. There are cases when their good intentions are the closest people (e.g. parents) ruin the family fortune. To the credit of women to say that they, as a rule, in this sense, more patient and can endure unfair judgment. While men suffer long and often very soon make a decision “exit game”, believing that it’s for the best.
Therefore, before marriage you need to convey to all the obvious (but unfortunately, not universally accepted) idea that it’s just your area. And get rid of the habit of running to mom for no reason. And in General, you should make it a rule not to complain about your husband or wife. Anyone. Neither relatives nor anyone at all. And if the wife is not on good terms with your relatives, they are just as necessary to each other to protect.
Illusion three: The children will save a marriage
Children are not expected to save anyone. Having a baby is a huge event. It’s kind of a litmus test for couples: strong families become even stronger and the rest fall apart. With the advent of the baby the couple are moving to a new level of responsibility and redistribution of attention. So both just need to be prepared for the fact that their relationship will inevitably change. The only question is, in what direction. If someone of the spouses before the birth of the child did not get enough attention, then the attention will be even less and then the problem will only grow like a snowball, and to make everyone even more unhappy. Never mom and dad who are unhappy together won’t be able to make happy your child. And so he them one the fact of his birth did not bring happiness all the more.
The illusion of four: My forever
In most cases, marriages are made when feelings of the lovers are burning with great force. It seems that the trouble never look in their home that their family is not threatened by betrayal and infidelity. That is a very big misconception. Of course, nobody gets married to get divorced. However, the number of broken marriages for some reason, does not decrease but rather increases.
Needless to say, if a man was forced to marry, sooner or later he will throw some kind of a trick. Just because he is married not on their own, people will always treat marriage as a formality. But even if to wear the wedding ring on your finger was his conscious decision, you are not immune from trouble. Upon marriage, a woman must understand that hunting by other women to her lover is not over, as many think, but just started. And the status of wives often can play against itself, and not Vice versa. A simple example: she came home from work, washed, dressed and waiting for her husband. What he sees upon his return? Correctly, such a home, dear, loving, but not sexual woman. Then, at work (and outside it) in front of his eyes flashed beauty, which he always sees only in full combat readiness. head-on. Yes, your husband no doubt loves you and appreciates, but that’s every day wants you less. So relax, no way! Or after childbirth and pregnancy, or after 10 years of marriage. Like it or not, the man loves his eyes. It is a law of nature. To rebel against it is to hit its target.
Of course, someone may object, saying that not a lot of you want these guys? And order maintain and develop, and give birth to children and then educate them, and still be beautiful! Then, as they say, to each his own. In the end, each decides for herself whether a man of such efforts or not. But, answering “no”, it is better to come to the conclusion about the inevitability of divorce. At least in order to then not to wring his hands and blame fate for injustice.
I think hardly anyone would argue with the fact that a good marriage is always a bit of a lottery. There must be a very difficult puzzle: odd future wife should not irritate future husband. And Vice versa. That is why it is so important before marriage to talk more with each other and discuss important issues. Do not be afraid “to frighten” or to offend people. Share pictures of your vision of the future, tell each other about the plans and compare heard. Husband is dreaming about career development, and you want as soon as possible to have a baby? You should think about how you will build your life together, in what direction, to maintain the respect and love, and not to advance the stage of conflict on level ground.
Agree: much better to understand that you are too different and it’s not your man, than, richly celebrating the wedding because “it’s time” or “everyone is asking why you’re not married yet”, to realize that talking with a partner is not something that about, and do not want to.