Likestory.net tells why you should have to finally change of heart and stop beating yourself up for mistakes. Right after all they say: the perfectionists, the most miserable people in the world.
“Everyone makes mistakes” — ancient wisdom already pre hints: man is the crown of creation but not the Creator, so he can only strive for perfection, and the essence of this desire is in its inaccessibility. But the desire to be the best, to be first in everything and always, became an obsession that can make a man not only most unfortunate, but forced him to move from a first series to the gallery. And you know why? Because we all make mistakes. And he is also. His only mistake will be not just a difficulty which can and must be overcome, and a fatal collapse, after which only remain, what to leave, tail between his legs. And it’s not that bugs perfectionists something fundamentally different from the errors of ordinary people, and that the attitude towards them is completely different. If errors generate an endless stream of self-criticism, self-flagellation, total hostility to yourself, then you can safely turn off the computer, put on my coat and go home. To work (and just to exist) in such state is impossible. And where one mistake, there are second and third, and to believe in themselves is becoming increasingly difficult. So one extreme turns into another, and the perfectionist becomes an outsider.
Cruelty is terrible quality, it is akin to poison: poisons the first person, then that person poisons the life of someone else. And no matter what hard the times, to be cruel — it means personally to multiply the hatred that then you will return to the sender. And the person least deserving of abuse, is yourself. Your mistakes, character flaws, imperfection of the body — all this is worth the work, the common and sometimes unemotional analysis, but not a wave of criticism. Problems need to be solved, and not to waste time hanging labels and repeat the moment (in detail and with special effects), how exactly you stumbled. Moreover, numerous studies show that the ability to show compassion for yourself, the ability to be kind to yourself — the key to good results and harmony with each other.
How does compassion yourself
Kristin Neff, Professor at the University of Texas, one of the first to study the phenomenon compassion yourself. She sees him as an important link between self-acceptance and self-development. So, if you make a mistake, instead of having to drag yourself to the bottom-criticism, compassion yourself allows you to look at the situation not only more safely but also more efficiently. And the sooner you focus on how to get out of the situation, the higher the chance to do it the most painless.
Kristin Neff talks about the three pillars on which is based compassion yourself:
1. Good attitude. Whatever happens, however low you may fall, and how painful it would be when it hit, be kinder to yourself. The force that will help you to get up, is not based on hatred, animosity and discontent, and the kindness and self-respect.
2. The experience of all mankind. Absolutely everyone at least once berated herself for mistakes and was unhappy. It is an absolutely natural feeling, and it is as old as the world. So next time you stumble, think about what it all was and all. That is, you, on the one hand, get your own personal unique experience, but on the other hand, join the universal piggy Bank was another story.
3. Awareness. To ignore negative emotions is very dangerous, but to multiply them is not worth it. Here a balance is important, which is that you take negative thoughts, not identifying himself with them.
1. You will become stronger in spirit and will be able to increase their own productivity
Compassion yourself encouraged to perceive mistakes not as a failure of the life, but as useful lessons, once you’ve mastered that you can move on. Because error most often is a result of ignorance. So do not waste time on a skirmish with them, and it is better to really study the nature of the error. So you and nerves save, and on one and the same mistake will not occur.
2. You will be happier and calmer
Fierce self-criticism is no less fierce stimulates the production of cortisol (stress hormone) which negatively affects the nervous and immune systems. Besides, at this moment it is impossible to think adequately and to make informed decisions, so the likelihood that you will make a million mistakes, is off the charts. But if you replace compassion yourself self-flagellation, to the place of cortisol, another hormone — oxytocin, which gives a sense of calm and confidence.
3. You have self-esteem
Often what we perceive depends on how we are perceived by others. And if we get public approval to our actions, we immediately feel more confident and our self esteem grows. But if the society remains deaf to all that we do, this causes a dissatisfaction that ultimately results in depression and loss of direction in life. The paradox is that in this case our self — esteem is a set of external factors that, in fact, from us and independent. But if you are under any circumstances (and in sorrow and in joy) to treat yourself respectfully and to show compassion, you will not become dependent on public opinion and will not suffer if it turns out negative.
4. You will feel better about your body
Criticism of one’s own body — a phenomenon so familiar that it feels like there is no one person, satisfied with their own reflection in the mirror. True, there are such people, and a lot of them! And it’s not a Hollywood star and not fitness models, but ordinary people who respect your body and love it. Because love is first of all is to care. So, compassion for your own body, they will not be feeding him pounds of French fries and liters of soda.
5. You will become more resistant to negative events
Of course, compassion yourself will not become a lightning rod and will not save you from all ills. Will not save, but when hard times will come, to help them survive. And it is the third component compassion yourself — awareness. You understand that the negative emotions you are experiencing are perfectly natural now, but they’re not you. You will be able to distance themselves from immediate senses and realize that this is just emotions, and it’s only now that you need to survive. And tomorrow will be better.