Imagine a loved one has the unpleasant habit to yell. Or smoke in bed. Or spend hours hanging on the phone, sit on the Internet and so on and so forth. And how do you ensure that he has reconsidered his behavior? Wait until he come? Unfortunately, in most cases, is a road to nowhere. Because when we do not designate your position, people, even family, often decide that everything is okay. And if everything is okay, then why the hell change something? Therefore, not asking the person to reconsider their behavior, we are doomed to continue to perceive it as due, and accumulate internal irritation. But what it is, I think, to explain not necessary.
Well, a separate issue, fits perfectly into this logic, it is a request for help. This also can be referred requests for gifts, desired purchases, etc. to Expect that the man himself will come to this idea, more absurd than to hope that he will know not to smoke in the bedroom. How is he supposed to know that? He’s not psychic! Therefore it is better to get rid of romantic illusions from the category of “if he loves me, you will understand without words.
When a woman does not appeal to your chosen requests, he had a feeling that she can do everything herself. Type, she is strong, self-sufficient, etc. and then why would she want someone else? Most men in this situation are beginning to feel redundant. And degraded. For example, start to do stuff, having a harmful Hobbies and even leave their families. Because one of the basic needs of men is to be desired. And the task of women to help the man uncover his Superman Cape.
Now, when it questions why it is not necessary to wait for the sea weather, tell you how psychologists suggest the right way to ask is to always get what you want.
1. This should be done delicately
One of the main reasons for which the man refuses, lies in the fact that in her request, often clearly heard the order. And to obey the orders of no one likes. Especially if they come from women. Yes, nothing can be done. You can take this as chauvinism, or some other “ISM,” but most men believe that if anyone can order it themselves, but not their companion. You can, of course, try and continue to endlessly tilting at windmills, continuing to play the General’s wife. But the result is likely to be negligible. But the loss in the course of warfare is disappointing. And you can “turn on a woman and to succeed without loss. Remember the words of another Bulgakov’s character? A living creature can be affected only affection. So impact!
2. To repeat requests a few times
Often the woman asks once. And then waits. “He don’t care about me, not only is he not smart enough to do it, and still ignores my request”. In the end, she does it herself, and he doesn’t even remember that its about something asked. No clue about the cause of her irritation. Could the reason be that he really care? Of course, it can. But this is a subject for another conversation. But it often happens that a man simply does not “hear” the request. Sound-it sounded, but if at that moment his mind (or entirely) been obsessed with something else (work, watching movie, football and so on.), please to it simply never came. It is not that I forgot – he didn’t remember. Because you haven’t heard. Men – being single-tasking. It is necessary to grasp once and for all. It is a scientific fact. Granted. As rain or snow. Silly to be offended at the rain. You just have to have the umbrella. In this case, the umbrella is the understanding that once sounded the request most often – shaking the empty air. Need to ask at the right moment (when he is able to perceive), be prepared for the fact that the request will have to repeat and not be annoyed by this.
3. To give him time to react
As already mentioned, men often do not “hear” your request. And if you made it once or twice, spit, and do it all yourself, it will deprive you of both opportunities for growth and development. If you are not ready to wait, better just do it yourself. You need, say, to keep an eye on the milk so it didn’t run at the plate. Until he realizes that it is his task — the milk was already gone. Therefore, it is better to stand five minutes at the stove and to remind them of him. The milk will not run away anyway, and you will acquire a useful skill to avoid irritation to, in fact, blue. But if the task can be some time to wait — ask. Several times. And don’t make themselves. Did not prevent him to become better. Seeing that you asked, and then they all did, he will wonder: why did she ask? She also did a great job. This is the best. At worst, happens what I said above – he again will be convinced of its uselessness. And then in General will cease to respond to any of your requests.
Supply objective. Formulate his request or desire. Forget the “book” nonsense like “if you love me, you will know yourself.” Don’t exaggerate. There’s enough problems to create them themselves. Another fact that should be taken as a given: most men don’t understand hints. Or understand in their own way. You need such “surprises”? Or do you need to achieve this goal? If you are interested in to get what you want, so don’t create unnecessary clutter, expecting the men to the presence of super skills.
5. Be prepared for failure
This is what distinguishes the request from the order. If I’m not internally ready to failure, then nothing would ever ask. Yes, the denial of a loved one often just as painful, but it does not mean that our reaction is justified. He is a living person, he could have other plans. Or different vision of the situation. Anyway, failure doesn’t always mean its unwillingness to comply with the request, sometimes it is simply impossible to perform. Or it will take too much effort (time, money, depending on the situation). And he believes it to be inappropriate. And is quite right to refuse. And to learn this wisdom, practice some more on those things where failure is not you hurt so much. And where, by and large, is unimportant for you. But it does not cancel already the above points about the need to ask kindly and to take the habit of their requests delicately to repeat. Oh, and, of course, does not roll up scandals due to the failure.
This is important. Moreover, it is necessary to thank sincerely with all my heart. And emotionally. After all, any process must be completed. Anyway, in the Universe of men. You asked and he did received a commendation. Thank him, even if he didn’t, in your opinion, nothing special. And even if you did not, which is what you wanted or not with the results expected. He did! Here and praise. It is for made. Absurd? Not at all. This is, again, a reference to the above: if it is not thank you, so he had to do it. That is, it was not a request, but an order. So another rule: to give thanks always. “Thank you for what you took out the trash/helped to peel the potatoes/took the child out of kindergarten/bought me this dress.” It’s just another useful habit. It motivates the man to help you next time. And not just to help, and to do it more, faster and better. Having mastered it, with time you can even ensure that it (a miracle!) will respond to requests the first time.
7. To learn to want and allow yourself
Men respond to spark a woman’s desire. So the reason you get failures can be the reluctance of men to do something for you, and that he feels that you do nothing in the long run do not want. And if you don’t want, and get. Even if you say that it is not. Words are one thing, but what’s underneath them is another. So think, and don’t forget if you want? And do you allow yourself to receive what you want? Even if we are talking about aid, not to mention something more. Actually, the problem is much bigger than it may seem. Scientists even believe that we are almost all conceited. Just someone to a greater extent, someone – less. But we all thinks “I-do-not worthy/not worthy.” But there is another person (in this case, man) to do with it. Search for roots in childhood. In his childhood.
Yes, it’s not going to happen “on click”. And Yes, you will need patience. But the relationship without patience is movement downhill. Down. And we need to go? That’s right, on the top. So don’t be lazy and have produced useful quality – patience. Not that that makes to suffer and to endure, and something that helps you to find wise solutions to common problems.