Susie Moore, a life coach from new York, shares her story of happiness. To achieve it, we must all learn to ask themselves and others seven vital issues. Follow the example of Susie and also find happiness. You never know, suddenly going to work.
— Life is one big paradox that childhood issues are the main tool of understanding the world, but once you sit at a school Desk, the rules of the game change immediately: “don’t interrupt the teacher!”, “Your question is not relevant to the topic!”, “You should already know the answer!”. Questions over, start approval. And need to put something into question, as once there is a danger of falling into disgrace: he had classmates, and then, and from colleagues (what if you want to catch someone or to show someone’s incompetence). After I turned 30, I first realized the power of a simple question and realized that many a landmark and watershed event in my life happened only because I was not afraid in time to ask the right question.
Any question a priori contains an alternative, it initially implies the existence of two answers. Not asking questions, the person deprives himself of the right of choice. Properly formulated and timely the question is sometimes more important than the answer. Here are seven questions I dared to ask and which radically changed the course and quality of my life.
1. Want to take my phone number?
This question I asked my future husband. One evening my friend and I stood in front of the club and couldn’t decide whether to go to a rock concert, or, conversely, to arrange a quiet evening in a cozy café. And has almost moved in the direction of the nearest pizzeria, how at the last moment changed his mind. In the queue at the entrance I noticed a tall handsome young man, and my happiness knew no bounds when pushing through the crowd we were next to each other and started talking. I thought he was incredibly charming, sincere, and his sense of humor just won me over (once for all). Before my friend left, I asked him: “do Not want to take my phone number?”. He called the next day. No joke, but this year we have a fifth wedding anniversary, and I still remember that concert. Although there is no. The concert I just don’t remember.
2. Can we discuss my salary?
My career began as an assistant in the personnel Department and seen many interviews, including talks directly about the salary. Working in HR, I realized that a true professional is expensive. The higher you value their work, the more attractive you look in the eyes of a potential employer, who often still want to see in your team ambitious and goal-oriented employee. Since then, I raise the question of the salary whenever the number of my responsibilities increases, but I deal with them. Remember: until you asked the question, the answer is always no.
3. Can I ask you a favor?
I noticed that very often much easier to help someone than to ask for help. This is largely due to the reluctance to burden others with their problems and fears to get into an awkward situation in case of failure. But, you see, when you ask for help, it largely demonstrates that, first, you know, or can do things that others can’t (you appreciate), and secondly, you have proven yourself as someone who can be relied upon, who can help out in a difficult situation. Based on this, do not deny others the pleasure come to your rescue and feel needed. In addition, the assistance often can greatly simplify your life: personally, I ask friends to look after my dog while I’m away, to help organize a party or to meet interesting people. I like to help people, and they usually respond to me the same. They say that no good deed goes unpunished. I’m not looking for, but it’s incredibly cool to watch that kind of natural cycles of mutual support that begins with the fact that you helped someone.
4. Can I get you some coffee?
In 25 years I decided to move to new York. The fear of uncertainty was combined with the anticipation of new life and new possibilities, and the absolute absence of any working relations and useful contacts was compensated by a desperate desire to find work and to stay in the city of my dreams forever. The main search tool was elected Linkedin: I joined all sorts of groups participated in discussions and wrote to a hundred people, half of whom invited me for coffee. And what do you think, after thirty-latte and a couple of months I have had two tempting offers from large advertising agencies and one paying job, which I eventually got. Never underestimate the power of meeting face-to-face and the magic of live communication. This, incidentally, became for me a starting point of forming its own database of useful contacts and professional contacts, which is growing exponentially every day.
5. Can I write for you?
I am always especially attracted to journalism, and I really wanted to try yourself as a contributor or native speakers. The dream would remain a dream, but I firmly decided to act. Needed somewhere to start, and, having overcome the decadent attitude and insecurities, I’ve written to all of the online publication, who loved to read, their ideas, views, topics for future articles and, of course, volunteered to make them happen. Yes, of course, I was not showered with a barrage of suggestions, but a few concerned emails I received. So I gathered my first portfolio, my articles have been published on your favorite resources, and when I started to trust to interview famous athletes and actors, I thought I would go crazy with happiness. I always try to proceed from simple patterns: quantitative changes lead to qualitative. And the more you work on yourself, the more (conscious) action make, the most likely changes. Do not be afraid to make decisions and to act, in any case you have nothing to lose, but rather the opposite: fortunately, no one can anticipate events, it is impossible to understand what happens and what doesn’t. There is a reverse pattern: if nothing is done, nothing will happen. The main thing — to get involved.
6. Can you do me a discount?
This seemingly awkward question saved me thousands of dollars on buying designer shoes, airline tickets, furniture and heaps of everything else. For me it’s sort of a ritual, a harmless game and a theatrical performance at the same time, although, unfortunately, the husband does not share my passion and often said that in such moments it feels uncomfortable. Every time before to buy something, I asked conspiratorially: “do you have any special offer for me?”. I often Express their willingness to buy something in bulk or “two for one”, write a sincere review on the website of the store or leave a post in Facebook. Assuming of course that I will like this item. Try this tactic at least once or twice. You will not notice as you enter into the taste and begin to save their money.
7. What I really want?
This is perhaps the most important question of all. It cannot be answered “once and forever”, but on the contrary, it is necessary to ask yourself as often as possible. And the more vague and complex period in life, the louder this question should be in the head. When was the last time you asked yourself what do you want? I can predict the answer: too much to do and too little time — there is no time for reflection. In any leisurely day, take a pause, make a conventional “quiet time”. Close your eyes and breathe deeply until you feel calm and peaceful, concentrate on their own thoughts and feelings and ask yourself: “What I want most in the world?”.
Remember, you don’t have to keep up with everyone. You don’t have to meet somebody’s expectations. In my life there were many challenging and difficult moments, when the earth went from under his feet, and all what I lived was crumbling at breakneck speed. And when I don’t know what to do next, what to do and what to believe, I always come back to him. To basics. To the question. Listen to your inner voice and allow intuition to guide me (and it very rarely fails). Don’t be afraid to ask questions. They can be unpleasant, uncomfortable, sharp, nothing to worry about. Any crisis is a starting point, and only depends on you which direction you choose — forward to new issues or back to old answers.