Probably each of us had a moment when so wanted, echoing the words of the popular song, “wipe from memory” betrayed people, the bitter memories of unfair said hurtful words, disappointment and anger to the offenders. The advice to “forgive and release” in such cases is often annoying — it would seem, what kind of forgiveness can there be when the soul is overwhelmed with pain? It turns out that forgiveness, though difficult, but it is subservient to our will and, most importantly, a necessary process is to adopt a few tips that will help you regain peace of mind.
1. MAKE A DECISION TO FORGIVE
The most important thing in forgiveness is to understand that it is much more useful to you, not your abuser. Saying in the heat of indignation, “I will never forgive you!”, you assume the cargo is not the most pleasant emotions on their shoulders — and not the perpetrator of your concerns. It is you, not him, have to suffer from anger, rage and resentment, again and again living the situation in your mind — hence, incidentally, the expression “to keep the evil”, “to keep a grudge”, “to have on someone’s tooth.” Given that resentment — the feeling not only useless, but destructive, costs (only for yourself!) set a goal — be sure to forgive the one that hurt you. Yes, one of goal setting to forgiveness is not enough, sometimes it’s a long and difficult job, but having made the decision to forgive, you have already made the first and most important step to attaining peace in the soul.
2. DRAWING LESSONS
To forgive someone who broke your heart, betrayed, or simply hurt — intentionally or out of stupidity, will become easier if you admit that even in the ugliest situation has a positive side. Any event one way or another is for us a vital lesson, and, unfortunately, the painful lessons are usually the most useful: it is through the hurt and disappointment we come to a wiser to choice of friends and the ability to appreciate true love. Well, if your abuser had the role of such “teachers” — is to mentally thank him for it, to draw conclusions and… forgive.
3. LIVE YOUR EMOTIONS
Often the forgiveness we wrongly understand the refusal of your own emotions. How, I ask, to forgive cheating lover or a deceitful friend when a pit in my stomach? Trying to ignore the bitterness and resentment will help you to keep a good face on a bad game, but with real forgiveness has little in common. Respect their feelings, find a way to live and experience the full force: share with a trusted friend, seek help from a psychologist, write a letter to the offender (to send it is not necessary — it is best to pour out the soul on paper, then to burn it). If not immediately, but gradually you will become much easier.
4. REMEMBER HOW YOU FORGAVE
Each of us has their “skeletons in the closet” — things we are not proud of and that probably was once hurt. Remember how you regretted your mistakes and how important it is for you to receive forgiveness from those you offended. The realization that nobody is perfect will not hold a grudge against the person that caused your feelings.
5. CHOOSE TO BE STRONG
Everybody knows the words of Gandhi that “the weak never forgives because forgiveness is the inheritance of the strong.” Conversely, deliberately offend and hurt we are in a moment of weakness. If you can’t seem to let go of resentment towards someone who made you suffer, remind yourself that in this situation, you are a strong side, and the victim is the abuser. Judge for yourself: the man is strong, happy, at peace with himself is unlikely to be able to consciously harm another, and therefore, it makes sense to experience regret and Forbearance, but certainly not anger and resentment.