We constantly hear that any relationship is a compromise. Persistent, sometimes difficult, sometimes downright impossible. But we understand that without movement towards each other sooner or later, any, even the strongest, love will wither. And then everything stops. But the issues in which compromise is not only unnecessary, but, frankly, harmful. So let’s talk about where experts advise not to sacrifice internal principles under any circumstances.
This is perhaps the most important principle that cannot be compromised ever. No matter who or what is encroaching on your inner freedom, it is impossible to give. Otherwise the collapse is inevitable: sooner or later the lack of inner freedom will lead you to serious addiction. And absolutely no matter from whom. Your partner (or fiancee) can be a wonderful person, it can match with you 100% and you feel thin, but it will matter. Because addiction destroys. Addicts always end up the same, just heroin destroys faster and clearer than the shackles of love. But in the end there is no difference – the disintegration of personality may look different, but it is always disintegration.
I — it’s my body. Sooner or later we all come to this conclusion and stop trying to force yourself and try to write in invented standards. The stronger and freer person, the faster he accepts himself as he is. This does not mean that you stop to care for themselves. On the contrary — it means that you begin to care for yourself with love. To improve and preserve what you like about yourself. Not to break something, not like someone else. Because it is also the path of self-destruction.
Girls may argue: but what about, say, request a loved one? You don’t want to grow a beer belly and a beard, if you loved him slim, fit and clean-shaven. That’s right: we can Express their desires favorite. But we can’t force them to perform. You can change yourself for a man in that case, if the changes do not cause internal protest. If you are a brunette and you feel a kind of Monica Bellucci and your companion insists that you repainted Marilyn Monroe, the venture still nothing good will come out. A person’s appearance should not interfere with his inner world. If you try to live in this conflict , sooner or later you’ll just hate yourself. But at the same time and who all this mess started. Guess who is meant.
Your body is your business
Here the speech is not about appearance but about your reproductive system. In that moment, when man and woman decide to make love, they both take risks. A man is risking the freedom that is from a childless person. A woman’s health risks. And sometimes even life. Because she carries and gives birth to a child. Therefore risking much more. So true, she chose the way of protection. And because of these reasons, she is planning a pregnancy, decides how many children to give birth and when to do it effectively. So there is a man not entitled to insist. Otherwise, no matter how he vowed to love, it is just words. No, of course he in this matter have the right to vote, but due to the mentioned reasons,this vote can only be Advisory.
The older we get, the less on‑to the present loved ones remains close to us. It’s just the law of life: while we are young, we are open-minded and ready to accept a lot. With age we become more conservative and seek to comfort. And comfortable we can be with people who don’t need to explain anything. Yes, of course, coincidences happen, and you can find a new close friend, simply because life is unexpectedly brought within the space of two very similar people. But it’s still a rarity. Basically, with us are the old, proven friends. To abandon them is a crime against yourself and against them. If a loved one insists on the severance of relations with trusted friends, it is better to break off relations with him. Still nothing to lose because he just doesn’t like you. A loving man will not destroy what you hold dear. And moreover, it will not push you to the losses that will inevitably lead to suffering and pain.
You are an adult, you control your life. All important decisions regarding his own person accept you and only you. Well, when the next loving person, always willing to help. Anything: to advise, to support, to do together with you what you is for some reason hard to decide. This is precisely what we are all looking for in a relationship . And it’s great — as long as the partner is not trying to snatch you from the hands of the remote control of your life. He needs to stay with you.
This is more true for women: if you want to have children, you most likely will temporarily lose your financial independence at that stage, when the children are young, and to combine work and motherhood will be very difficult. This, incidentally, is an interesting experience, but just in case, if you have a reliable partner. But we can not agree on the role of the “married wife” who always stays at home and is completely dependent on the earnings of her husband. Of course, if you have no passive income in the form of, for example, rental apartments or, what the hell, interest from some big contributions at the time made parents. Financial dependence, as a rule, very heavy. Even if you are only answer for myself. And literally criminal if you have children. Even if your partner values your home work and it pays adequately, even if you don’t feel a dependency, you must still have a source of income or earnings. Because life is an unpredictable thing. Not today or tomorrow, one who was a reliable support, you may leave. Or, God forbid, of course, but ill. And even worse. And then the money that you depend on, disappear in a moment. And then what?
Every person needs personal space, we all need the opportunity sometimes to be alone. And the person living in a big city, and even more so, because his mind is subjected to daily attacks: too many people, too much noise, too crowded. He all the time in tension, which are already used, and not even notice. But chronic stress sooner or later makes itself known a person breaks. Or becomes ill. So just need to find a way to be alone, to shut down communication and, as they say, to exhale. To sacrifice it is IMPOSSIBLE.
Wishes and dreams
What you dream should stay with you. If a loved one does not share your desires, it may not help you in their performance. But he has no right to interfere. As mentioned above, the relationship is a daily compromise. You both will give up something important, simply because you now two. And each of you wants harmonious relationships. So everyone from something to refuse, for the sake of the common good. But to give and to sacrifice different things. That for us is really important, must always remain with us.
Habits and joy
Our brain is pretty lazy thing: he gets used to a certain pattern and tries to repeat it, so as not to waste resource to create a new schema. That is why we so hard to abandon habits, bad including. Because they, ironically, make us happy. And we have our own little joys. And they make us doubly happy. But happiness is just chemistry, but chemistry is very thin: if you deprive yourself of the joys, to endure and get used to it will fail. The brain “break down”. It’s called depression and leads to tragic consequences. Up to a lethal outcome. Therefore, if the happiness you need cat — may you always be a kitten. Even if his whole life will spoil your sweet sneakers. This cat is not just a malevolent ball of fur. Is he your source of strength.
The Internet often joke about “strong and independent woman who lives with cats, and the more she got nothing: no relationship, no family. It turns out that to be Mature and self-sufficient person is fraught with failure in his personal life? That is, logically, come to the conclusion that men prefer weak and dependent. And to establish privacy, it should be just like this..
As it is not so! Weak and dependent is not excited about anyone. Moreover, they are the object of constant ridicule. Here are the best jokes about stupid blondes and helpless — that other, as mocking their weakness. Jokes about “Oh, everything!” — it is a mockery of weakness. Jokes about “I didn’t touch it!” — also a mockery of the weakness and dependence. The woman, unable to be strong and independent, we need only the manipulators and the weak. I say this as a man. Weak and dependent woman -a very comfortable victim, which is never going to go away, which it will be possible to mock with impunity, until it breaks completely. A man with a normal mentality wants to see the woman and not the victim, not the “eternal child” and not fearful creature, able to fend for themselves. So if you feel that your independence encroach — use all the power that you have.